Bush Lays Off Congress; will Outsource Lawmaking to India
Washington - Citing the growing cost of running the Federal government and
the need to cut costs in order to reduce the budget deficit, President Bush
announced today that he was laying off all 535 members of Congress and
transferring lawmaking operations to a legislative support center in
Bangalore, India. "Hey, outsourcing is the way to go these days," said Bush
at an impromptu news conference where he announced the decision, adding,
"the American people want to see less government waste. Since every one of
those ex-Congressmen had a salary of $150,000, this move will cut our costs
by over $80 million per year, and that's not even counting what we'll save
on health insurance and retirement plans." Sources indicate that the Indian
replacements will be paid approximately $250 per month.
The outcry from the newly laid-off Senators and Representatives was swift.
Ex-California Senator Diane Feinstein said, "This is absolutely outrageous.
How can a bunch of replacements over in India run Congress? What do they
know about filibusters and committee hearings?" As she was being escorted
out of the Hart Senate Office Building by U.S. Capitol Police officers,
Feinstein complained that the newly-terminated lawmakers were only given
ten minutes to clean out their desks and leave the building.
"I think it's a great idea," said Vice President *** Cheney, speaking from
a secure undisclosed location. "The American people were fed up with that
expensive do-nothing Congress which didn't always give the President
everything he asked for. Our new Indian replacements will be much
cooperative to the President, which is what we all want." Asked whether the
outsourcing may be unconstitutional, Cheney noted, "That's up to the
Supreme Court to decide, but as you know, they usually see things our way."
The new members of Congress seem thrilled with the attention they are
receiving. Speaking from the offices of All-India Legislative Support
Centre Ltd. in Bangalore, new Mississippi Senator Ramchandra Shektar Gupta
told reporters, "The Indian people are very hard working and we will do our
best as U.S. Congressmen and Congresswomen. And we are going to have some
fun too. Just think: we have $2 trillion of the American taxpayers' money
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