by Brian Sian » Thu, 23 Dec 2004 00:51:34
It's the original game, but in the lower portion of the screen, we get a
guy and two robot puppets wisecracking about the game as it plays.
(Upon seeing Breen for the first time.) "The nice thing about being the
only guy on the TV screens is that you get some really strong Q-ratings."
"I still like him better than Bill O'Reilly."
(Meeting Alyx for the first time.) "Is she a woman? I mean, she's not
like the other women we see in video games. I mean, she's got a
personality, she's not waving her silicone bags at us..."
(After Barney throws you the crowbar.) "A crowbar. Thanks, Barney. Just
what I need in a world dominated by technologically advanced aliens."
"Yeah. Think maybe you could throw in a stapler, or a Pez dispenser,
while you're at it?"
(When those flying razor things are coming at you.) "At least NorelCo's
found a new niche market after the apocalypse."
(On the train tracks.) "Say, uh, Mike, you don't think there's any
danger of a train coming our way, do you?"
"Beg pardon?"
"The train. I mean, we've been seeing all these trains in this game..."
"Yeah?"
"And here we are, on this train track..."
"Uh-huh?"
"So do you think there's any danger that, when we get past that force
field, we'll have to watch out for a train coming right at us?"
"I don't know what you mean."
"Okay. Just suppose that we get past this force field, and we have our
little dune buggy, and we decide that we're going to _drive the dune
buggy_ down that railroad track. Got it?"
"Yeah."
"Now. Do you think there's _any remote chance_ that, at that moment, a
_train_, Mike, _just like the ones we've been seeing throughout this
game_, is going to choose _that very moment_ to come _barrelling down
right on top of us?_"
"I don't know what you mean."
(Various points during the game.)
"Hm. This door actually has a door latch. Let's try it."